fake follicular follies

I may be onto a new web trend with a recent series of posts spotlighting fake facial hair options for those dashing types who require a quick physical change before heading out for a night on the town. Other sites have joined the bandwagon.

I thought this fashion statement was restricted to comic books and low-grade sports magazines...until I stumbled onto a three-page spread from a 1968 issue of Playboy, demonstrating how your clean-cut all-American guy could quickly change his appearance with fake fuzz to lure in the ladies. With these tips, would an average Joe make Hef proud?

One thing's for certain: these fake hairpieces cost more those found in the funny pages.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow (1)
Left: the Zapata, to bring out your inner revolutionary or bad guy in a spaghetti western. Presumably named in honour of Mexican Revolution leader Emiliano Zapata, whose actual mustache bore a closer resemblance to a bushier version of the Britannia pictured on the right.

As for the UK-inspired gem, a hearty blast of Hail Britannia should play in the background while affixing it above your lip. This moustache should be accompanied by a fine Scotch and an English dolly bird.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow (2)
"Whimsy for whiskers"?!? Checking the Bank of Canada's inflation calculator, these stylish sideburns were a pricey whim - a $350 to $600 whim. It was the price to pay until real sideburns were allowed in offices a few years later.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow (3)
"Freudulent" - brand name, fab new adjective or subliminal misspelling of "fraudulent"? The model is awed by the sophistication of her friend's new Van Dyke, until it attaches itself to her lip during their good night smooch.

Forget the swashbuckling qualities endowed by the Mariner beard - it's a young Captain High Liner! All he requires now is an anchor patch on his jacket, a spiffy neck scarf and a captain's hat. She expects him to say "Arr Matey!" at least once during a charming evening at the local surf n' turf restaurant.

Source: Playboy, September 1968 - JB


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