Sunday, February 12, 2006

detroit dating advice, 1970 (part two)

Due to popular demand, and due to Valentine's Day being this week, let's carry on with some advice on how to snag a date, 1970 Motor City style. For part one, click here.

In a small town, only a "loose" girl would meet a man in a bar, but in a city the older boy-meets-girl techniques often break down; and alternative methodsm must be created. To collectively designate special bars on special nights with special procedures as morally acceptable is one way this is accomplished.

Go with a couple of friends and find a bar where the people appear to be similar to yourselves...once you've found a place you feel comfortable, exert yourself further by not hiding in a corner. Mingle and move as much as possible-to the john, the juke box, the cigarette machine. On a packed Friday night conversation will come spontaneously, without forcing your male counterpart into the unnerving ordeal of approaching you.

For men: Your problem, admit it or not, is that you're basically chicken, all show and no go. You'll leer, dream, and get your eyeballs all steamed up; but you won't get up and give it the old college-try. Rather, you'll slug down a couple of drinks and then leave claiming:
-Those are the ugliest women since Medusa.
-Hmmm, this singles thing is certainly an interesting sociological phenomenon.
-They were all so damn busy talking to each other that they didn't want to be interrupted
-I'm ugly, unloveable, unwanted.

...what you need, you think, is a good opening line.
-"Aren't you the chick who played Sandro Catatonio's pill-pushing mistress in Murder in the Mercado-the one who betrays Sandro by filling his Vitalis bottle with napalm?"
-"You're a Cancer! I just know you're a Cancer...I can tell by your grey eyes and.."
-"Hey, what are you doing with that martini? Har har har. After we got you sobered up a bit after that party you swore up and down that you would never touch another drop to drink."
-Or, looking around sadly as you tragically move in to light her cigarette: "Look at them all. (gesturing) Kind of sad in a way, really. Now me, I'm just an old people watcher from way back and...

Keep working on it until you're happy with it, or drunk enough to approach the girl. (43-44)

I'm speechless. - JB

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