Wednesday, September 08, 2004

return of the revenge of the telemarketer from green hell

They keep trying...and it's getting more pathetic. Got my first phone message from Athletic/Best Price movers in awhile, featuring the debut (on my phone) of Johnny, which is the same dude either (a) holding his nose as he speaks or (b) attempting the world's worst W.C. Fields imitation. If you get this message, you be the judge.

Some suggestions for next time, Boris/Johnny/Reggie/Tugboat Bill/whatever your real name is:
1) Carmine, who attempts to pitch the moving company as if he failed the audition for Taxi Driver or any other Scorsese picture.
2) Joost, using a dutch or swedish accent, the type last used by Jamie Lee Curtis in Trading Places.
3) Fritz, with even less plausibility as a German than Kevin McDonald's accent teacher on Kids In The Hall.
4) Roxy, attempting to sell moving services like Al Jolson, but stumbling in his attempts to sing.
5) Shecky, attempting to sound like Shrek, hoping somebody's confused (unlikely, given those unexplained lapses into Welsh).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

oh sweet cheeeezies, i get these calls too! bug the royal shit out of me. at first i thought boris was rather endearing. but when you're waiting for callbacks for jobs and you hear "you have ONE new voice message" and eagerly press 1 only to hear "hahhhloo, dees eez boris..." you just wanna kick the borscht outta him. and his whole friggin' multinational entourage. johnny did make his debut last week, and my theory is that it is simply boris talking through his tubed-up nose after someone drop-kicked him onto his face for his messages. just a thought. (aliza, who hates to sign in so instead is labelled as...)