why i'd make a lousy politician

"Better news: Social Services Minister Frank Drea shuts out the hoopla in the Legislature over the alleged budget leak by reading the Racing Form." Photo by Jeff Goode, May 1983. Toronto Star Photographic Archive, Toronto Public Library, TSPA_0044604F.

As anyone who reads my work may have noticed, I often write about political history, especially when it's relevant to current events. This section of history is filled with the elements that inspire storytellers: heroes, villains, tortured protagonists, inspiring ideas, depressing reality, sudden twists in fortune, backroom intrigue, and all other kinds of drama. 

What I try to avoid, especially when drawing parallels to the present, is armchair quarterbacking. I don’t want to come off as someone who has the answers to everything but never actually attempts to fix what is being criticized. The person who growls a lot with plenty of bark but no bite. Which sometimes makes me wonder if, to back up my convictions, I should consider running for public office. This would provide an opportunity to experience how elected office works and serve the public in ways that have meaning, produce accomplishments, and discover ways to make current governing systems work better. 

Especially during the recent Ontario provincial election campaign, I wondered how much worse could I be than the less-than-awe-inspiring political leadership around us? 

Then my senses kick in. 

It’s one thing to say you want to act instead of sitting back and criticizing those holding office, no matter how they perform. It’s another to realize that you’re probably not the person to do so.

Louisa and I talked about this other night as I endured a periodic bout of existential angst about what I’m doing with my life. Both of us are from a generation of kids who performed well in school and were labelled “gifted.” In my case, being praised for being smart all of my life induced crippling cases of perfectionism and imposter syndrome. I feel like I should be using the intelligence everyone else claimed I have to accomplish something great, something that changes minds for the better, something that solves the world’s problems, instead of just ambling along day-to-day trying to make ends meet or spacing out at my work desk. I feel should be more ambitious or do more to improve society than I am, even if such visions are not realistic. 

Usually, this imposter syndrome manifests itself as over-researching an article to ensure nobody attacks me for being on the wrong track. You know what? You’ll never do anything perfectly. Trying to strive for perfection will drive you bananas and cripple projects you’re working on. Hell, I’ve contemplated this piece for over a month, but resisted writing it out of fear of sounding glib, naïve, or trite. 

Metropolitan Toronto council chamber, January 1966. Photo by Frank Teskey. Toronto Star Photographic Archive, Toronto Public Library, TSPA_0111305F.

So where were we…

Oh yeah, the notion of running for public office. The idealistic perfectionist in me says that if I held public office, I’d work towards building a better community and try to improve the political system. The cynical realist says that I’ve read enough political history to know that’s (often) not how things work, and that you’re really, really not cut out to hold public office for many reasons. 

A major drawback is my short fuse. It’s built into my genetics that I don’t suffer fools gladly, especially ignorant ones, nor do I handle frustrating situations well within the moment. I usually require a few minutes to collect my thoughts and composure when all hell breaks loose. My default setting is to avoid arguments, but it’s possible I could get into some doozies with people whose views I have little time or respect for (ranging from conspiracy theorists to those who know the cost of everything and the value of nothing). Heated arguments may reflect poorly in the eyes of others.

I’m also not a quick thinker, requiring time to contemplate an answer out of fear I’ll sound like an uninformed idiot. It’s taken years to realize that it’s OK to say “I don’t know” when asked a question that I can’t respond to that second. Being shy and awkward in certain settings doesn’t help. Thinking in the moment without freezing up is a skill I’m working on. 

I suspect I’d stink if I ran for a position which required adherence to party discipline. I loathe the canned speech that makes up much political communication these days, where it seems people who were known for their intelligence or for making a difference in other field suddenly sound like they've been lobotomized. It would feel awkward mouthing this language, especially if it involved cringeworthy “on message” dogmatic drivel. I wouldn’t want people to have a bingo card ready to mark off the canned phrases prepared by a speechwriter. Don’t count on me to deepen societal divisions for the sake of earning points with the base - there's enough of that out there and it's not doing us any good. 

Inside the Ontario Legislature, June 1985 (this appears to have accompanied a story about a doctors' strike). Photo by Andrew Stawicki. Toronto Star Photographic Archive, Toronto Public Library, TSPA_0016072F.

There’s also the pressure of being under a microscope all the time. The complaints we make and demands we place on elected officials are intense and discourage people who might serve the public with dedication and thoughtfulness. In places like Toronto, cutting the number of municipal councillors has led to heavier workloads resulting in burnout. There’s always been the practice of digging up any slightly stained laundry in one’s background. Currently, public representatives face a worsening environment where you don’t know who might show up on your doorstep or harass your family. 

It's getting rougher out there. I admire those - with the right intentions - who manage to persevere in the political realm. 

The odds of seeing my name on a ballot are low. But there are plenty of other ways of trying to make even a minor difference in the world. I hope that my writing informs readers and occasionally makes them think about the issues discussed. Maybe I’ll finally figure out a community organization that would be a good fit without using the unpredictability of my freelance work schedule as an excuse not to be involved. Maybe it’s as simple as offering verbal support to those fighting the good fights. 

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This post is attempt #8,568 to revive this website. Lately I've felt the need to start writing again outside of my professional work, which has kept me busy since the last spurt of activity on here at Christmas. Whether it's contemplative pieces like this, or the silly sorts of posts I threw on here years ago, I want to play around with other kinds of writing and see what emerges. Maybe it's time to write in full about walks around the city instead of posting a series of Tweets. There's no guarantee content here will appear with any regularity (friends have cautioned in past revival attempts not to place too much pressure on myself - there's that perfectionist streak again!), so we'll see what happens.